I went cleaning crazy

Day 59 - August 8

Some of you know that I’ve had these mysterious bites on my arm and leg. I saw the doctor this week and he put me on a different kind of antibiotic to try to stop the inflammation. I won’t go into detail and spare you, but I was so disturbed about what it might be that is biting me that I tore my bedroom apart. It honestly did not occur to me until later that I never even thought about anyone outside the house. I was completely consumed by bleaching and cleaning everything in my bedroom (since I thought I was being bit at night). Here’s the lesson for the day - focus entirely on yourself (and your mysterious bites) and you can completely forget about everyone else.

*Update: I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING! I didn’t completely lose it today… I forgot that I got online and spent some time going through MySecret.tv posts tonight (after the crazy cleaning). I purposefully made myself sit down and focus on someone else tonight - I just didn’t take the time to register what I was doing. Oops. But I remembered just now and thought I’d edit the post.

On another note, I visited a specialist, an endocrinologist, with Ryan today. We had to travel to Tulsa to speak with her, but in that single conversation, I was reminded again that I have to trust God. That all the answers and tests and specialists in the world can’t tell me what I want to hear - that in everything, I simply have to trust God. So it was a long day full of long drives only to get home and know what I’ve known all along. No matter what life throws my way, I am going to live everyday firmly in the grasp of God and there is really nothing that can change that. I have peace about my health that I haven’t had for quite a few months. I am not in control of my future - and that is O.K.

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